“Assisted Living” Discussion & “Rules of the Road”

Posted on February 2, 2011 by Norm Rice

Discussing safe living arrangements such as Assisted Living or other care options for my father or any aging parent is always a matter of respectfully accepting their view of maintaining control.

Remember back when you got your first driver’s license?  Have the “rules of the road” changed much since then?  When my 86 year old father took his first driver’s test freeways didn’t even exist, nor were they even on the drawing boards yet in rural Oregon.  His perception of maintaining the control of his car and the “rules of the road” are of course much different than our daughters who grew up with cyclists sharing our streets.  Maintaining control of your automobile as well as your life meant something much different to dad than it does to his grandchildren or even his son.

Today as I listen to care providers and to families of seniors I am often find myself wondering how in perhaps ten or 15 years I will respond to our police officer daughter if she suddenly informs me that she is taking my keys, not only to my car, but even to our home.  So often it appears that the keys of control have been taken over by well-meaning friends or family – often suddenly in response to an immediate medical condition. The comfortable environment of the family home, where memories and life happened, is torn away and replaced by a suite of an “apartment” and home-cooking by Food Services of America.  Life control has become dependent upon a well-meaning CNA 20-something at the new Assisted Living “Grand Lodge” looking building down the road, or grand-daughters friend of a friend in a neighborhood Adult Family Home.

Remember back when your parents began “setting the stage” for when you would get that first drivers license, or when you would one day begin to maintain  your life and set your own life rules away from their controlling eyes and questioning? My parents subtle pointing out my older brother’s excitement of being able to take us kids to the swimming pool in the family car, or his ability to buy what he wanted to wear when he took responsibility for his own paper route began the discussion and set my life stage.

Last year a family friend’s life took a dramatic turn with the death of his wife – ending their 50 plus years of marriage.  The family home suddenly felt so empty and upon the urging of well-meaning family and friends he began selling off life-belongings.  Whatever was left of the years of treasure hunting found a new “home” in one of those places where he could go down for breakfast, lunch and dinner.  Assured that friends and long-term neighbors would come often to visit, life seemed to begin all over again.  Unfortunately,  the stage had not been adequately prepared or all  the alternatives thoroughly discussed.  A full-life turned into a drudgery of empty promises and a life void of  purpose.  The rules of the road has been suddenly changed.

Fortunately, as our Portland Real Estate market, like the rest of the country,  turned sour,  I was not able to sell the home for our friend and new discussions and options began to open up and explored.  Control was taken back and new rules for going forward were set.

This month the neighborhood and friendly dog walkers of our family friend will once again be able to share news while picking up their mail, see how the garden is doing and discover what Galvin is bringing home now from the local thrift shop.  Moving back home will enable a new stage to be explored for the next time.  Yes, it will help that the daughter has made a life-changing move back to the family home to share with dad.

Now, let the discussion and the stage be set for a future time.  Take advantage of the new opportunity. Will another move be necessary down the road?  Will an Assisted Living or an Adult Family Home be part of the picture?  Galvin’s stage now has the opportunity to be adequately prepared.

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Watch Seniors For Reaction to New Medications

Posted on August 19, 2010 by Monika Gartner

Senior’s reaction to medications can often be misinterpreted as “confusion” or ignored as just an overreaction by family members, or even by their doctors.

Recently I had a real  wake-up call!  A couple of weeks ago after a visit to my physician I questioned how long I had to stay on Potassium CL 20MEQ ER tablets (3 per day). During our visit she recommended that I temporarily drop the Potassium and take some high blood pressure meds because of some recent high blood pressure.   As a good doctor would she talked to me about side effects. I kind of took it with a grain of salt, since all prescriptions have that long list of possible side effects. I figured if I took all this too seriously I’d never take any prescription, since often times the side effects sound much worse than what you are taking the meds for.

I took the newly prescribed pill in the morning as directed and recommended without thinking much more about it. Later that day my stomach got rather woozy and I thought “ok, new meds – I’ll get used to it”. Then I got very tired and thought the best way to fight back at this is to take a walk in the fresh air. My husband & I drove up  to a nearby park. After having walked for about ½ mile, I suddenly got cold in 85 degree weather and all my muscles started to ache, feeling like an 8-wheeler had run over me. Just lifting my foot for the next step was difficult and I wasn’t sure if I would make it back to the car.

I left a message almost immediately upon my return at my doctor’s office that I would no longer take that new medication.

The nurse called me back and said take half a pill instead. My answer back was “no way!” My blood pressure had dropped when I returned from the walk to 68 over 43.

My doctor told me the next day I went into Hypotension.

I thought immediately about our seniors. Next time a family member calls in and tells me that her mom or dad all of a sudden seems to act confused and different I will not just ask them if there is a possibility of a bladder infection, I will also ask if the senior is taking new meds or a different kind of medication for one of their health care problems.

Seniors often times may not describe how differently they feel, but if families are astute to the possibility of drug side effects and deal with it immediately by calling the doctor’s office – it can save seniors from some real unpleasant short and long-term side effects.

Ok – I am off my soap box.  Let me know about your experiences on this type of issue.

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Search for an appropriate Alzheimer’s care becomes an international and inter-state episode

Posted on August 21, 2008 by Norm Rice

Perhaps you’ve been through something similar with a parent or loved one?  The following situation recently came to my attention.

 

 Martha’s dad had a long-term position with an international company, working in eleven countries around the world, always taking his family along. Imagine how hard it was on Martha and her siblings to be enrolled in all these different schools and trying to learn to fit in with the local customs. Now – in her early 50’s and living in England she just had a phone conversation with her mom, who told her that the Assisted Living facility in Oregon, (one her parents had just moved into a couple of month ago from Florida), had given her mother notice to find a more secure living situation for her dad, who had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. He had been an avid tennis player all his life and still enjoyed a fast game. Being on the move all his life he decided he wanted to go back to Florida. Being an avid walker, he took off from the facility, found a travel agency 2 miles away on a busy 4-laned street and managed to purchase a ticket and from there he hailed a cab to take him to the Airport. Without a travel bag, an expired driver’s license and not being able to answer questions directly at security he was handed him over to security. Discovering he was not a terrorist, they continued some careful questioning only to discover he had “escaped” from an assisted living facility. He was promptly returned to their care.

 

 Martha’s mom then hired a personal care provider to take him on walks and keep an eye on him. She knew that this was only a short term solution. He would always try to take off – whenever he could.

 

Martha – who had always been the “doer” went on the internet to find out who could help her in Oregon. She “googled” “senior care in Oregon” and pulled up a website called The Senior Care Guide. She sent an e-mail and asked for help, copying her sister who travels between New York and Seattle, and her brother who lives in Oregon. After a couple more e-mails, a meeting between a care consultant from a senior placement and referral agency Care Service Options, Inc. was set up at the Assisted Living facility with her mom and her sister from Seattle. The care consultant was also able to meet their dad in the apartment. With his friendly and engaging personality he was initially able to cover for his memory lapses and confusion. As the conversation continued he become more agitated and abruptly decided to have no part of this discussion and walked out the door, where his care provider had been asked to wait to accompany him for another long walk. There was no question that he needed a more secure environment quickly.

 

Within the next couple of days the family toured several Alzheimer’s communities in the area. The family selected what they felt was the community where their dad would thrive. Under the watchful eye of a young male care-taker he would be taken on regular walks around the neighborhood and on trips on the facility’s bus to the mountains and beaches. Martha’s dad is now doing well in his new secure environment. The quick action on the part of the entire family, as well as enlisting the assistance of an experienced care coordinator and placement agency can help them all relax knowing that their father is secure.

 

 

Have you had an similar experience with an agency or senior care transition?  Let us hear your of your situations or concerns.  We welcome your submitions regarding senior care.

 

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When John Calls About Mom and Dad

Posted on July 29, 2008 by Norm Rice

Many of us, when we are suddenly faced with the reality that it is now our turn to take on the responsibility of being a “parent” to our parents feel that lump in our throat that screams out “Shoot – now what do I do?”

At the most inopportune time – while I am still trying to manage my own life, my little brother from Alaska calls to let me know that mom has been calling him at all hours of the day and night – not realizing that even in Medford, Oregon it is sometimes 3:00 in the morning.  “Since you don’t have any kids at home at the moment, you are much more free than I am to get to Medford” he blurts out.  “Portland isn’t that far away – “Go spend a couple days and see what is going on” he further orders.    Ah .. little brothers sometimes can be a pain.  But .. once I calm down at his assuming attitude I decide that after all, I’ve always been a little closer to my parents anyway.

Two weeks later I arrive at the family home outside of Medford towards Jacksonville.  As I approach the house with the car that seems to gulp gas, the once picture-perfect place starts screaming for help.  After banging on the door,  since I got no answer with the doorbell – in fact I don’t even think it worked – mom opens up the door still dressed in that blue smock  I saw her in five months ago on her 84th birthday.  The two cats that ran out through the open door looked to be in better shape.  Once I made it in, with mom clinging to me like she hadn’t seen me for 20 years, I realized that now it was indeed my turn – my turn to do what mom and dad had dome for me until I was nearly 40.  They were always there with support – dad with his words of wisdom and handyman skills, and mom with whatever I needed.

After only a few hours it became quite apparent why John was getting all those calls.  The nearly empty refrigerator, the stacks of papers, the leaking roof, and the unopened mail all indicated that those daily living tasks were needing some support.  They were lucky that the phone had not been disconnected.  Dad was still enjoying the local Lions club, mom was somehow getting to the senior center twice a week, and they were managing well enough to fool everyone that they were doing fine, including their church pastor who shook their hands every Sunday on the front steps of the church.

Where do I begin?  Friends in San Diego had told me how Assisted Living was working well for their parents; others found Home Health workers helpful;  others told me to just go to their senior center and ask for recommendations; or pehaps check with some caring neighbor.   Being that mom and dad were not in a situation where we would have to make an immediate decision, I decided to begin where it seems many of us do these days – on the Internet.  After doing a couple searches I discovered a site called The Senior Care Guide.  Much to my surprise I discovered some Residential Care places near my sister in San Diego.  Ah Jack, did you know that there is a place only a mile from your home in Alaska?  If it was decided to keep mom and dad near their home, I discovered at least a phone number, and an address for every licensed care facility in Medford, Oregon including Assisted Living, Adult Foster Care, and Residential Care.  I even found the senior center that mom loved so much.  So .. at least I found a place to start.  I called my sister in San Diego, my brother in Bend and that demanding John in Alaska.  Okay siblings .. check out your areas too.  Maybe the answer will be to find a place somewhere near some of you.  John, remember dad always loved Alaska and yes, San Diego has the perfect climate for mom.  ☺  Choices Choices, what next?

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